The Stapley Family

The Stapley Family

Friday, July 6, 2007

Thanksgiving preparations have begun...

Yes, that's right: another holiday ruined. For the second time in ten years, the Lucoffs have tentatively agreed to meet and celebrate a holiday. After the 2005 Christmas blowout in Idaho Falls (the first gathering in ten years), some experts predicted this would not happen again until Hailey's Comet passed, while others simply proclaimed that even if it was possible, it was best if it just didn't occur. Despite the expert forecasts, Lucoffpalooza will kick off in Boise for Thanksgiving 2007.

A gathering of the Lucoffs is always marked by the joining of the two idiot sons, which has been analogized as something akin to a Tolkien tragedy. Nothing good has ever come about when these two mental giants combine forces. It has been proclaimed that "history repeats itself", and if the idiot sons are any measure, the same can be said for stupidity.
Common household items become useful instruments of torture in the hands of morons. In his old age, Grandpa Lucoff forgot this critical point and unwittingly supplied a water gun readily convertible into 4 separate water guns. Although originally intended as a gift to Eli, the present has since fallen into the hands of idiot son number one.

Tradition is not lost at a Lucoff gathering and this upcoming Thanksgiving will be no different. Every meal will begin with a reciting of Justin's (idiot son number 2) high school report cards and conclude with tales of high adventure, legend, lore and police investigations. Arguments will be nigh. Feelings will be hurt, mended, and hurt again five minutes later. Food may be thrown. For sure, groin punches will be plentiful.

For those who make the mistake of staying in hotels (Grandma and Grandpa Lucoff), there will be the usual complement of early morning phone calls, prank mailings, and embarassing (but tasteful) faxes. Pizza delivery and soaping of the cars are optional. And of course, every family photo will include a visit from "The Face" (pictured atop).

Alas, stay tuned for a report on this once in a lifetime disaster destined to be repeated three or four years later.

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